so i don't have classes this week for les vacances des toussaints [all saints day]. almost the entire country has the week off, at least all the students. so with all this new found spare time i've gotten my shit together {kind of} and updated my flickr. there are some pictures of france and some other stuff i've been working on. the french pictures have all, more or less, shown up here, but whatever. i haven't been taking nearly as many pictures as i should, mostly because my digital camera is on its last legs. i have taken about 6 rolls of analog but with no access to a dark room or scanner and pro developing costing 20 euros {roughly $34 thanks to the ever rising exchange rate}, those pictures will stay hidden on the negatives until well after i get back. so happy {limited} browsing.
p.s. the EU has already 'fallen back' for the end of daylight savings time, so for the next week the time difference between here and the west coast is only 8 hours.
10.30.2007
10.28.2007
darfur est la nouvelle chine.
darfur has become the new china. today during our usual, large sunday afternoon meal, one of my host brothers, vivien, was complaining because he didn't like anything my host mom had made to eat. my host dad looked at him and said to stop complaining and eat otherwise he would send him to darfur. it's odd to think that just within my lifetime the image of suffering has changed so much. china used to be the go to nation to threaten kids to eat their vegetables. unfortunately today it is a nation plagued by civil war resulting in hundreds of thousands of deaths and the loss of almost an entire generation. my host dad was just making a joke and i don't think vivien understood the scope of what was said, but it's hard to think of a worse place to be sent, especially when you're hungry and seven years old.
sans titre.
i don’t know why i ever chose to grow up. i wish i could go back to the five year old me running around in sundresses, barefoot in the grass and climbing trees and tell her to stay there. to never leave that place. that simplicity. that joy. the sunshine. that easiness. someone to take care of you so you can just be you. and live. and taste life. but now you can’t count on anyone to take care of you, but yourself. and even that proves fatal most days.
now things are messy. complicated. painful. difficult. dark. heavy. i still haven’t figured out just how it happened. i suppose it was a slow unraveling. one that sneaks up on you one day when you realize nothing is as it was before. it stems from a slow realization of the harsh realities of this life. the realization that it can’t be easy. that life’s beauty is short lived and fleeting. that there are more people to tear you up than to love you. a heart becomes more of a chew toy than a beating source of passion and life.
i don’t think you see a light when you die. i think you see the brightest light when you’re born. surrounded by love and attention. and then the darkness slowly starts setting in. not much at first. just like a cloudy day with the sun bleeding through the blanket of clouds. then the day gives way to dusk. then one day you find yourself in a cave with just a flashlight. you can see enough to avoid tripping over what’s right in front of you, but you can’t see enough to find your way out. then one day the batteries run out. and now you only have an old lighter in your pocket. just enough light to see your hands in front of your face. but it quickly becomes too hot to hold and will, too, soon extinguish. and then you’re left, alone, and lost, in a dark, cold cave. i can only imagine death as the darkest dark. blacker than any night known on this earth. so black that you know you’ll never get out of it. never go back. never feel the sunshine again.
now things are messy. complicated. painful. difficult. dark. heavy. i still haven’t figured out just how it happened. i suppose it was a slow unraveling. one that sneaks up on you one day when you realize nothing is as it was before. it stems from a slow realization of the harsh realities of this life. the realization that it can’t be easy. that life’s beauty is short lived and fleeting. that there are more people to tear you up than to love you. a heart becomes more of a chew toy than a beating source of passion and life.
i don’t think you see a light when you die. i think you see the brightest light when you’re born. surrounded by love and attention. and then the darkness slowly starts setting in. not much at first. just like a cloudy day with the sun bleeding through the blanket of clouds. then the day gives way to dusk. then one day you find yourself in a cave with just a flashlight. you can see enough to avoid tripping over what’s right in front of you, but you can’t see enough to find your way out. then one day the batteries run out. and now you only have an old lighter in your pocket. just enough light to see your hands in front of your face. but it quickly becomes too hot to hold and will, too, soon extinguish. and then you’re left, alone, and lost, in a dark, cold cave. i can only imagine death as the darkest dark. blacker than any night known on this earth. so black that you know you’ll never get out of it. never go back. never feel the sunshine again.
10.21.2007
les pubs.
one thing i like about watching french television are the pubs or commercials. they're short, easy to understand and sometimes just plain bizarre. like france's recent campaign for calcium consumption. it invovles a giant cow sitting down and squirting milk out of it's utters that little skeletons dance in. because dairy products are 'friends for life.' see for yourself.
10.17.2007
la confiance.
piggy backing off my last post, it's been rather refreshing living in a country that actually trusts their citizens. i first realized this a few weeks ago when i bought some hot chocolate mix. when i got home i was looking at the container to find the directions and felt oddly uncomfortable that there weren't any. then i snapped out of it and realized all i had to do was add enough powder to my taste to some hot milk. not difficult at all and rather logical and i didn't need printed directions to tell me how to do it. on the contrary, in the US everything has very explicit directions and outrageous warnings against every single possibility. i'm pretty sure there are many websites and books detailing these outrageous warnings that an intelligent person would never think of doing. but i'm sure somewhere along the line someone did something stupid then sued someone and someone had to pay a lot of money so now companies feel the need to hold the hand of every consumer in order to protect themselves from liability. a lot of it is really unnecessary and it's nice to be away from it.
i also learned today in my french civilization class that there are 12 communists in the current french general assembly (equivalent to the US house of representatives). as the new york dolls said, better red than dead.
i also learned today in my french civilization class that there are 12 communists in the current french general assembly (equivalent to the US house of representatives). as the new york dolls said, better red than dead.
10.16.2007
les états-unis.
this week is patrimonie gourmand in france. it is a sort of celebration of food and the heritage of french cuisine. because of this many local or french products are on sale, many restaurants have special menus, and some food stores have live presentations. today outside one of the bakeries in the mall, the baker was doing demonstrations kneading a ball of dough that must have weighed ten pounds. there were also free samples of bread, tiny brioches with sugar crystals on top, and tiny ham sandwiches.
there is a similar celebration in september called les jours de patrimonie which celebrates the cultural heritage of the country as well as that all over europe. during this weekend, many museums are free or offer reduced tariffs and many cultural institutions open their doors to the public, including the french equivalent of the white house.
all this celebration and consensual enjoyment of the nation's history, culture, and cuisine got me to thinking how rare this is in the US. there isn't really anything like this. the closest things i could think of are thanksgiving and fourth of july, which seem more like excuses to eat a lot and blow stuff up than celebrate culture and history. god forbid portland art museum offer a free time or even reduced entry. and when was the last time anyone got close to the white house. not so much the story in new york but the country on a whole seems rather uninterested in celebrating anything interesting. many holidays had basis in cultural or historical events but are now just an excuse to party. maybe patrimonie does exist in the US it's just hard to think of it while in a foreign country.
i've been trying to stay up on news at home but am finding it more and more difficult and almost guiltily glad that i'm not in the states right now. with the continued bêtises of our current (mis)leader and the start of mudslinging with the upcoming election, continued economic crises, acts of violence and overall distaste for the rest of the world i'm becoming less and less fond of my homeland. with the release of pew global attitudes report last week, some of my worst fears are being confirmed. the report showed the US near the bottom of the list of nearly 50 countries in areas such as support for trade and foreign companies. xenophobia is spreading as the country is less and less open to doing business with other countries or having foreigners bring their businesses to the states. yet americans expect to be treated like gods wherever we go in the world. we live in a world of two-way streets and you're going to get what you give. this notion is also present in our widespread opposition to immigration. do we forget that our country was built on immigration? we should be flattered that millions of people are literally dying to get into our country and have their own slice of our wonderful pie. this is kind of how many conservatives love to hate the french lest they forget that without the french we would have never won the revolutionary war and our greatest symbol of 'freedom', the statue of liberty, was a gift from the french in commemoration of the revolution. the report also showed some 60% of americans believing homosexuality is not socially acceptable. forget marriage or civil rights, nearly 2/3 of the country doesn't think it's acceptable in any situation. one thing i've noticed about being in a culture that is stereotypically rather effeminate is that homophobia is practically nonexistent. we did score well in one area though, the belief that at times force is necessary to maintain order in the world. just never to maintain equal access to food, education, jobs, housing and health care or prevent discrimination in our own country. we can only fight for so long against the bad guys living in caves that hate us before we end up destroying ourselves.
it's becoming harder and harder to miss a place i can't really stand especially when i'm in a place i really love.
there is a similar celebration in september called les jours de patrimonie which celebrates the cultural heritage of the country as well as that all over europe. during this weekend, many museums are free or offer reduced tariffs and many cultural institutions open their doors to the public, including the french equivalent of the white house.
all this celebration and consensual enjoyment of the nation's history, culture, and cuisine got me to thinking how rare this is in the US. there isn't really anything like this. the closest things i could think of are thanksgiving and fourth of july, which seem more like excuses to eat a lot and blow stuff up than celebrate culture and history. god forbid portland art museum offer a free time or even reduced entry. and when was the last time anyone got close to the white house. not so much the story in new york but the country on a whole seems rather uninterested in celebrating anything interesting. many holidays had basis in cultural or historical events but are now just an excuse to party. maybe patrimonie does exist in the US it's just hard to think of it while in a foreign country.
i've been trying to stay up on news at home but am finding it more and more difficult and almost guiltily glad that i'm not in the states right now. with the continued bêtises of our current (mis)leader and the start of mudslinging with the upcoming election, continued economic crises, acts of violence and overall distaste for the rest of the world i'm becoming less and less fond of my homeland. with the release of pew global attitudes report last week, some of my worst fears are being confirmed. the report showed the US near the bottom of the list of nearly 50 countries in areas such as support for trade and foreign companies. xenophobia is spreading as the country is less and less open to doing business with other countries or having foreigners bring their businesses to the states. yet americans expect to be treated like gods wherever we go in the world. we live in a world of two-way streets and you're going to get what you give. this notion is also present in our widespread opposition to immigration. do we forget that our country was built on immigration? we should be flattered that millions of people are literally dying to get into our country and have their own slice of our wonderful pie. this is kind of how many conservatives love to hate the french lest they forget that without the french we would have never won the revolutionary war and our greatest symbol of 'freedom', the statue of liberty, was a gift from the french in commemoration of the revolution. the report also showed some 60% of americans believing homosexuality is not socially acceptable. forget marriage or civil rights, nearly 2/3 of the country doesn't think it's acceptable in any situation. one thing i've noticed about being in a culture that is stereotypically rather effeminate is that homophobia is practically nonexistent. we did score well in one area though, the belief that at times force is necessary to maintain order in the world. just never to maintain equal access to food, education, jobs, housing and health care or prevent discrimination in our own country. we can only fight for so long against the bad guys living in caves that hate us before we end up destroying ourselves.
it's becoming harder and harder to miss a place i can't really stand especially when i'm in a place i really love.
10.12.2007
l'euro.
newsweek ran a recent article about the rising cost of study abroad due to the rather lackluster power of the dollar right now. i have to say that i'm feeling the crunch as well. when i arrived in france about 6 weeks ago, the exchange rate was around $1.30 for every euro. now it's up to $1.41. i've been making it work and there are definite ways to cut costs. what astounds me is the student newsweek profiled from yale who is studying in paris. according to the article, she is an african studies major and has already spent $4,200 in the first six weeks of her program. that's absolutely absurd. i was in paris a couple of weeks ago and i noticed a slight price difference compared to nancy, but $4,200 is insane. that comes out to around $100 a day. that's a ton of baguettes and wine. and while she was lamenting about the costs, i was wondering why she didn't go somewhere in africa. i mean she is an african studies major and life would probably be a lot cheaper. i suppose i shouldn't judge too harshly since i don't know the exact parameters of her program and lewis + clark's set up is amazing. i live with a host family where i eat all meals except lunch during the week. then we receive a (small) stipend for lunch at the university cafeteria. also, the only book i've had to buy this semester, so far, is a novel of my choice for my literature class. so if i skimped in the right places i could get away with spending very little out of my own pocket. granted i wouldn't do much, nor enjoy the various local cuisines but i still cannot comprehend having already spent over $4,000. i guess i should understand her expensive tastes since she's attending an ivy league school, but that's an insane amount of money.
10.10.2007
strasbourg.
i spent last friday and saturday in and around strasbourg. we took the train there friday morning and arrived around 11 am. we then had lunch at the strasbourg program director's apartment. then we met up with the strasbourg students {only 1 from lewis + clark, the rest are from kalamazoo}. we boarded a bus to spend the afternoon on an excursion to struthof, le château de haut koenigsbourg, and kaysersberg. struthof was the only concentration camp on french soil during the second world war. there are times when living in france when i can feel the presence of the war. before this trip it was most notably on cold, cloudy days sitting in stark, utilitarion class rooms without heat on the university campus and watching long, green tarp drapped cargo trains pass below my window sill. it is also noticiable with certain modern conviences that are generally used in conservation. things many americans take for granted such as water, hot water, telephones and electricity. during the war {and especially during hitler's last stand} france's infrastructure was destroyed. the devastated country had to work extremely hard to get everything up and running again. the national telecommunication network wasn't even entirely established until the 80s. so now, even almost 70 years after the war, many people still feel the need to conserve these precious resources that generations prior worked so hard to restore. {this may be where many 'the french never shower' jokes may stem from, which by the way, i don't find so much funny as extremely culturally insensitive} anyways, as still present as the war is, i never felt it so much as at struthof. riding up the narrow, curving road up to the camp that was well hidden in the mountaineous area of the vosges region, i couldn't even imagine what it must have felt like to be driven up this road after being captured for a simple offense of your religion or trying to stop the horrorendous events that were occuring, to work tirelessly in a prison camp, not knowing whether or not you'll make it out alive. i also got so angry at the nazis for hiding such a horrendous place in such a beautiful area. it was definitely a bittersweet trip. at the camp we learned more specifics of the treatment of prisoners. i won't go in to too much detail because it is pretty gruesome. two things that did strike me as especially horrid, were the use of prisoners for medical experiments. there were professors from the medical school in strasbourg at the camp who would inject prisoners with inoncuous diseases just to see what effects it would have. the other is that for the first few months the ashes of the deceased were used as fertilizer on the captains garden. then when there were too many, the remains were just dumped into a pit at the bottom of the camp {it sits on a hill}. the area now is mostly just the land. many of the huts were torn down in the 1950s because they were built so poorly and the rooves were already caving in after only 10 years. a few replica buildings remain.
{view looking up at the camp from the bottom of the hill. memorial for unidentified prisoner in the background}
after that sobering experience, we went to château de haut koenigsbourg. this château sits on top of a mountain and has incredible views. it was especially strong defense wise, because the mountain is really only climbable on the north side. we had a guided tour and learned about its history. if i remember correctly, it was built originally in the 9th century but smaller than it is now. then it was destroyed and rebuilt in the 14th century. then destroyed again by fire which heated up the bricks to the point where they exploded. then around 1900, when the area was under german control, the german empire decided it should be restored in order to show germany's strength. so it was restored to 90% of the authenticity of the 14th century version. the non-authentic 10% consists of many german embellishments which would never have existed. like a giant eagle mural painted on the ceiling of a room that used to be 4 rooms but is now one large room where the emperor entertained guests the 2 times he actually went to the château. so it was interesting and very beautiful.
{view from cannon tower at château de haut koenigsbourg}
after the château de haut koenigsbourg, we went to kaysersberg, which is this adorable little village in alsace. alsace is famous for its wine. the drive into the village was gorgeous with all the vinyards and grape leaves which are starting to turn a golden yellow this time of year. the grapevines run right up to the back walls of the houses that circle the village. the town itself is the reality version, if one ever existed, of the village from disney's beauty and the beast. tiny little streets bordered by stout buildings of different colors with fountains and flower boxes everywhere. we even found a grape vine growing up a wall by the central catherdral and helped ourselves to the sweet little morsels. we had a lovely dinner of quiche lorraine, chicken, green beans, potatoes, and chocolate mousse. it was a lovely evening.
{keysersberg}
the next day we went to the contemporary art museum in strasbourg. it was such a relief to see things from the 20th and 21st century after having stuffy 19th century and older artifacts shoved down my throat for the past month and a half. i feel like france is so caught up in history, which is great because there is such a rich, long history here. but let's get real, impressionism happened over a hundred years ago. let's move on. we're in the 21st century.
{'pile 1' by claude rutault}
after several hours wandering through the stark white walls filled with conceptual pieces, a few of us had a picnic lunch on the sunny river bank. it was lovely. then i wandered a bit of the town, enjoyed a coffee at an outdoor while i read poetry by rimbaud, then hopped the train back to nancy. it was a quick trip, but well worth it.
{l'ile river in strasbourg}
{the gorgeous strasbourg cathedral}
{typical french saturday morning: walking the dog to go buy fresh flowers at a local farmer's market. ah the life.}
{view looking up at the camp from the bottom of the hill. memorial for unidentified prisoner in the background}
after that sobering experience, we went to château de haut koenigsbourg. this château sits on top of a mountain and has incredible views. it was especially strong defense wise, because the mountain is really only climbable on the north side. we had a guided tour and learned about its history. if i remember correctly, it was built originally in the 9th century but smaller than it is now. then it was destroyed and rebuilt in the 14th century. then destroyed again by fire which heated up the bricks to the point where they exploded. then around 1900, when the area was under german control, the german empire decided it should be restored in order to show germany's strength. so it was restored to 90% of the authenticity of the 14th century version. the non-authentic 10% consists of many german embellishments which would never have existed. like a giant eagle mural painted on the ceiling of a room that used to be 4 rooms but is now one large room where the emperor entertained guests the 2 times he actually went to the château. so it was interesting and very beautiful.
{view from cannon tower at château de haut koenigsbourg}
after the château de haut koenigsbourg, we went to kaysersberg, which is this adorable little village in alsace. alsace is famous for its wine. the drive into the village was gorgeous with all the vinyards and grape leaves which are starting to turn a golden yellow this time of year. the grapevines run right up to the back walls of the houses that circle the village. the town itself is the reality version, if one ever existed, of the village from disney's beauty and the beast. tiny little streets bordered by stout buildings of different colors with fountains and flower boxes everywhere. we even found a grape vine growing up a wall by the central catherdral and helped ourselves to the sweet little morsels. we had a lovely dinner of quiche lorraine, chicken, green beans, potatoes, and chocolate mousse. it was a lovely evening.
{keysersberg}
the next day we went to the contemporary art museum in strasbourg. it was such a relief to see things from the 20th and 21st century after having stuffy 19th century and older artifacts shoved down my throat for the past month and a half. i feel like france is so caught up in history, which is great because there is such a rich, long history here. but let's get real, impressionism happened over a hundred years ago. let's move on. we're in the 21st century.
{'pile 1' by claude rutault}
after several hours wandering through the stark white walls filled with conceptual pieces, a few of us had a picnic lunch on the sunny river bank. it was lovely. then i wandered a bit of the town, enjoyed a coffee at an outdoor while i read poetry by rimbaud, then hopped the train back to nancy. it was a quick trip, but well worth it.
{l'ile river in strasbourg}
{the gorgeous strasbourg cathedral}
{typical french saturday morning: walking the dog to go buy fresh flowers at a local farmer's market. ah the life.}
10.03.2007
existentialist.
i live with an existentialist seven year old named vivien. this morning as i ate my croissant, he very dramatically with many hand gestures told me 'cette vie est horrible! on est obligé de mourir! je ne peut pas trouver harry potter 3! je le voudrais regarder mais je ne sais pas ou se le trouve! je le cherchait partout! c’est horrible! et mes parents ont discuté souvent!' rough translation: 'this life is horrible! one is obliged to die! i can't find the dvd of the third harry potter! i want to watch it but i don't know where it is! i've looked everywhere! {he's been bugging me for weeks to watch it and then when we finally could last saturday, we couldn't find it} it's horrible! and my parents are always arguing!' what's one to do when you have to die some day, you can't find harry potter and your parents fight?
in other news, continuing on my journey of gastronomy {because is there really any better way to discover a culture other than through its food?}, i've been dying for something spicy. the food in france is wonderful and fresh but spicy doesn't really exist. last week i bought some salsa {sauce mexicaine} and i was surprised by the strong flavor of cumin which made it more like an indian sauce or curry than the spicy salsa i was hoping for. luckily, yesterday i found this tiny wok place. i had noodles with beef, veggies, and a sweet soy-based sauce. and to my delight, they had sriracha sauce. after i ordered, the guy behind the counter told me i had une belle accente {a beautiful accent, he must have been lying through his teeth because i don't have a very good accent} and then asked where i was from. when i said the U.S. he responded in english, 'cool in the states!' then i learned he has an uncle who lives near new york city. it's funny because people can usually tell i'm foreign and then when they find out i'm from the states, they get really excited. the typical response is 'oh i love americans.' so i ask if they've ever been to the U.S. or met any other americans, and the response is invariable no but they still love americans. granted this has happened mostly with guys my age or older, french women are much more standoffish. more on that later. so after warming myself from the inside out with my sriracha soaked noodles, i bought some madeleines {soft, sponge-like cookies, usually almond flavored, made famous by proust} and ate them on a bench in place stanislas which is, at least for the month of october, decorated with plants and topiaries to form a labyrinth. it was a beautiful and pleasant afternoon.
in other news, continuing on my journey of gastronomy {because is there really any better way to discover a culture other than through its food?}, i've been dying for something spicy. the food in france is wonderful and fresh but spicy doesn't really exist. last week i bought some salsa {sauce mexicaine} and i was surprised by the strong flavor of cumin which made it more like an indian sauce or curry than the spicy salsa i was hoping for. luckily, yesterday i found this tiny wok place. i had noodles with beef, veggies, and a sweet soy-based sauce. and to my delight, they had sriracha sauce. after i ordered, the guy behind the counter told me i had une belle accente {a beautiful accent, he must have been lying through his teeth because i don't have a very good accent} and then asked where i was from. when i said the U.S. he responded in english, 'cool in the states!' then i learned he has an uncle who lives near new york city. it's funny because people can usually tell i'm foreign and then when they find out i'm from the states, they get really excited. the typical response is 'oh i love americans.' so i ask if they've ever been to the U.S. or met any other americans, and the response is invariable no but they still love americans. granted this has happened mostly with guys my age or older, french women are much more standoffish. more on that later. so after warming myself from the inside out with my sriracha soaked noodles, i bought some madeleines {soft, sponge-like cookies, usually almond flavored, made famous by proust} and ate them on a bench in place stanislas which is, at least for the month of october, decorated with plants and topiaries to form a labyrinth. it was a beautiful and pleasant afternoon.
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