12.22.2007

adieu.

i'm off traveling for two weeks. i hope everyone has a great holiday/vacation.
see you in 2008!

12.20.2007

la cathédrale.

12.16.2007

une macaron framboise.

12.10.2007

les canadiens.

so on my days off from tecktonic {as in all of them that end in y} i've found myself pleasantly stuck in this circle of canadian artists, concentrated mostly in vancouver and victoria. it's like this secret world of writers, artists, and musicians who all seem to be friends and fit exactly into my tastes. i read a softer world regularly, which is a photo comic by photographer emily horne and writer joey comeau. joey also has this wonderfully defeatist yet uplifting project called overqualified. a couple of weeks ago emily linked to her friend and hilarious cartoonist kate beaton who links to friends like carson ellis{ok that's cheating, she's based in portland}, mark bell, and hey ocean. so one thing leads to another, now i have dozens of new favorite people and this lovely video by oh bijou.


maybe i'll just move north, into the woods.

11.29.2007

tecktonic.

so there's this thing called tecktonic in france that is really popular, mais à mon avis un peu awesome. it's everywhere and when the weather was warmer (as in a high of something other than 0) one could always find the lycéens with their ipods blaring, showing off their moves in several spots across town. the song is by yelle, a popular female rapper. watch the video and check out the sweet fanny pack. i suppose i should temper the shock now and let all of you back in the states know that i've adopted the tecktonic style and will be entering my first dance off this weekend at the discotheque. wish me luck!




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11.22.2007

et la grève continue…

tuesday marked the seventh day of the transit strike, the sixth day of the blockage at my university, and the first day of the civil servant strike. the first two pictures below are from the civil servant protest. the third is just one of the many doors at the university which are blocked. the fourth is a sign the protesting students have hung prudently stating that no, france is not america.




11.15.2007

une gentille bienvenue.

as i walked in the dark, frigid cold to the university this morning, i was greeted by several students at the gate who told me that the university was bloqué (literally blocked). maybe it was because it was so early, but it didn't really sink into my head right at that moment. there were many students standing blocking the door into the center of campus, from which all the classrooms are accessible. that's where i found two other girls from the LC program. we thought we could outsmart them and just go in a different entrance, which we did. once we were on the campus, we realized that all the doors to classrooms were chained and padlocked shut. that's when i realized they were not messing around. for better or for worse, the department in which i have classes (french as a foreign language) was not blocked so i had the joy of sitting through 4 hours of class.

i don't completely understand all the political nuances or the many fliers passed out in french but what i've gathered is that the sarkozy administration wants to privatize the french university system. right now it is run by the state and is relatively cheap and affordable. but, according to some of the propaganda, 1 in 2 students is forced to work to put themselves through school. students are also worried about the social effects of privatization which would make class differences more evident and essentially shut the university doors to some students. do they have any idea of the situation in the states? i have no idea.

while i'm all about rebellion and making a statement to get things changed, this seems more ineffective than anything. this act is punishing students who want to learn and do their work. i should say as well that it is only a small percentage of students who are actually protesting. it doesn't seem to be having any success either as many politicians, including the minister of higher education, are dismissing the blockage of 30 universities as a political statement with communist leanings.

as a foreign student, it is a lovely welcome. i'm here to learn the language and become acquainted with the culture, but it appears that local students would rather i not. it's hard enough that many french students are rather standoffish and not all that friendly, but then when i get harassed for or even prevented from going to class and trying to integrate into the culture, it seems a losing battle. i can only hope they realize the inefficacy of this little stunt, and sooner rather than later, seeing that i have final presentations in a month.

p.s. the last time this happened in 2006, the university in nancy was blocked for 3 weeks.

11.05.2007

le petit voyage de sarkozy.

so yesterday my host dad made some sort of joke about how he ordered a child from chad about 10 days ago but it hasn't arrived yet. i didn't get it at the time but it alerted me that something had to be going on. then on the news this morning there was a story but all i really caught from the reporters who talk a mile a minute was chad, sarkozy, and spain. ah the joys of trying to function in a foreign country.

then in my class this morning we were working on oral comprehension and listened to a radio newscast from last night. after 4 times through and hashing out the information as a class with the professor, i had a better understanding of the situation, but it still didn't quite make sense. i now knew that sarko had flown his private plan to chad yesterday to rescue 3 french journalists and 4 spanish stewardesses who were charged with child trafficking. in the aftermath there were manifestations or protests {but when are there not?} in paris and the socialist party leaders are calling for an investigation into why sarko paid special attention to these individuals when there is so much other suffering in the world.

when i came home for lunch i tried to find an article in english so i could sort everything out, but to my astonishment, of the large news sites i frequent none of them had yet to post a story about it. i finally found an article article on the wall street journal's site by nidra poller who is an american living in paris.
finally the details were becoming clearer. so eric breteau, a frenchman, started this ngo called l'arche de zoé {very close to l'arche de noé-noah's arch} to save the children of the world. rather high expectations for a first timer. so he decides to 'save' the children of darfur by importing them to european families who are desperate to adopt. so breteau manages to get tons of money from these families and embarks on his mission to chad along with a spanish flight crew and several french journalists to document the whole thing. then things turn sour when local chiefs in chad start bribing families to give up their children and telling them they will attend an islamic school in the nation's capital. it turns out that of the 103 kids only a dozen or so were actually from darfur. many of the rest weren't even orphans, but rather bribed away from their families (allegedly).

on october 25, the group was about to take off for france to deliver the kids to anxiously awaiting families. alas, the plane never arrived. the french organizers, journalists, and spanish flight crew were taken into custody before the plane ever took off and the 103 toddlers are still trying to be sorted out and returned to their respective families. fast forward to yesterday, and good old sarko arrives in chad for a surprise visit. he speaks with the president and a few hours later, 3 of the journalists and 4 of the flight crew are on sarko's plane back to europe.

in all of this it wasn't really the hypocritical publicity stunt sarko pulled by rescuing the cute girls who may well be accomplices to international crimes opposed to his own conservative views on immigration. what angers me more is the lack of response from the american media. i thought for sure they would take every chance they got to jump all over the french and criticize them. hello, fox are you still there? or have you finally disappeared into the shadows in my departed time from the not so united states? wait, what's wrong with me? oh right, i forgot, the US prefers to pretend darfur doesn't exist. hang on, what's darfur again?

11.02.2007

novembre.

with the crisp snap of the air, the appearance of christmas lights and advent calendars, and the smell of roasting chestnuts in the streets, i can feel the impending christmas season. with the lack of thanksgiving to officially kick off the holiday season, it seems the french get a head start. and from what i understand, christmas is a pretty big deal around here. the streets are already decked out with overhead lights and decorations. i'll admit being irritated by the appearance of christmas decorations in US stores before halloween, but here i'm actually really excited. nancy has a huge parade with st. nicolas and fireworks the first weekend of december. nearly every town or village has a marché de noël or christmas market with food specialities, books, decorations, and other treasures which usually start in november and run through christmas. i also love the process of choosing gifts for people, and this year, living with 6 kids and 2 great parents, i've got a lot of work to do.

i also found out the hard way that photographs are illegal in french cemeteries. yesterday was jour de toussaints {all saints' day}. It's traditional to visit the graves of loved ones and place flowers. since it isn't widely celebrated in the states i was rather intrigued by it. i walked over to the large cemetery de notre dame which is near my house. it was a beautiful, sunny, fall afternoon and i brought my camera. after i snapped one shot, i was quickly told by one of the guards that pictures are illegal. luckily he let me off with just a warning. there was an older woman walking behind me and after the guard drove off she asked me if he had told me not to take pictures. i said yes and she seemed shocked and thought it was ridiculous as i did. she said ah well, they're just graves, what's the big deal? i passed her again on the other side of the cemetery and she shot me a little smile. at least someone is on my side.

{rue henri poincaré}

10.30.2007

les vacances.

so i don't have classes this week for les vacances des toussaints [all saints day]. almost the entire country has the week off, at least all the students. so with all this new found spare time i've gotten my shit together {kind of} and updated my flickr. there are some pictures of france and some other stuff i've been working on. the french pictures have all, more or less, shown up here, but whatever. i haven't been taking nearly as many pictures as i should, mostly because my digital camera is on its last legs. i have taken about 6 rolls of analog but with no access to a dark room or scanner and pro developing costing 20 euros {roughly $34 thanks to the ever rising exchange rate}, those pictures will stay hidden on the negatives until well after i get back. so happy {limited} browsing.

p.s. the EU has already 'fallen back' for the end of daylight savings time, so for the next week the time difference between here and the west coast is only 8 hours.

10.28.2007

darfur est la nouvelle chine.

darfur has become the new china. today during our usual, large sunday afternoon meal, one of my host brothers, vivien, was complaining because he didn't like anything my host mom had made to eat. my host dad looked at him and said to stop complaining and eat otherwise he would send him to darfur. it's odd to think that just within my lifetime the image of suffering has changed so much. china used to be the go to nation to threaten kids to eat their vegetables. unfortunately today it is a nation plagued by civil war resulting in hundreds of thousands of deaths and the loss of almost an entire generation. my host dad was just making a joke and i don't think vivien understood the scope of what was said, but it's hard to think of a worse place to be sent, especially when you're hungry and seven years old.

sans titre.

i don’t know why i ever chose to grow up. i wish i could go back to the five year old me running around in sundresses, barefoot in the grass and climbing trees and tell her to stay there. to never leave that place. that simplicity. that joy. the sunshine. that easiness. someone to take care of you so you can just be you. and live. and taste life. but now you can’t count on anyone to take care of you, but yourself. and even that proves fatal most days.

now things are messy. complicated. painful. difficult. dark. heavy. i still haven’t figured out just how it happened. i suppose it was a slow unraveling. one that sneaks up on you one day when you realize nothing is as it was before. it stems from a slow realization of the harsh realities of this life. the realization that it can’t be easy. that life’s beauty is short lived and fleeting. that there are more people to tear you up than to love you. a heart becomes more of a chew toy than a beating source of passion and life.

i don’t think you see a light when you die. i think you see the brightest light when you’re born. surrounded by love and attention. and then the darkness slowly starts setting in. not much at first. just like a cloudy day with the sun bleeding through the blanket of clouds. then the day gives way to dusk. then one day you find yourself in a cave with just a flashlight. you can see enough to avoid tripping over what’s right in front of you, but you can’t see enough to find your way out. then one day the batteries run out. and now you only have an old lighter in your pocket. just enough light to see your hands in front of your face. but it quickly becomes too hot to hold and will, too, soon extinguish. and then you’re left, alone, and lost, in a dark, cold cave. i can only imagine death as the darkest dark. blacker than any night known on this earth. so black that you know you’ll never get out of it. never go back. never feel the sunshine again.

10.21.2007

les pubs.

one thing i like about watching french television are the pubs or commercials. they're short, easy to understand and sometimes just plain bizarre. like france's recent campaign for calcium consumption. it invovles a giant cow sitting down and squirting milk out of it's utters that little skeletons dance in. because dairy products are 'friends for life.' see for yourself.

10.17.2007

la confiance.

piggy backing off my last post, it's been rather refreshing living in a country that actually trusts their citizens. i first realized this a few weeks ago when i bought some hot chocolate mix. when i got home i was looking at the container to find the directions and felt oddly uncomfortable that there weren't any. then i snapped out of it and realized all i had to do was add enough powder to my taste to some hot milk. not difficult at all and rather logical and i didn't need printed directions to tell me how to do it. on the contrary, in the US everything has very explicit directions and outrageous warnings against every single possibility. i'm pretty sure there are many websites and books detailing these outrageous warnings that an intelligent person would never think of doing. but i'm sure somewhere along the line someone did something stupid then sued someone and someone had to pay a lot of money so now companies feel the need to hold the hand of every consumer in order to protect themselves from liability. a lot of it is really unnecessary and it's nice to be away from it.

i also learned today in my french civilization class that there are 12 communists in the current french general assembly (equivalent to the US house of representatives). as the new york dolls said, better red than dead.

10.16.2007

les états-unis.

this week is patrimonie gourmand in france. it is a sort of celebration of food and the heritage of french cuisine. because of this many local or french products are on sale, many restaurants have special menus, and some food stores have live presentations. today outside one of the bakeries in the mall, the baker was doing demonstrations kneading a ball of dough that must have weighed ten pounds. there were also free samples of bread, tiny brioches with sugar crystals on top, and tiny ham sandwiches.

there is a similar celebration in september called les jours de patrimonie which celebrates the cultural heritage of the country as well as that all over europe. during this weekend, many museums are free or offer reduced tariffs and many cultural institutions open their doors to the public, including the french equivalent of the white house.

all this celebration and consensual enjoyment of the nation's history, culture, and cuisine got me to thinking how rare this is in the US. there isn't really anything like this. the closest things i could think of are thanksgiving and fourth of july, which seem more like excuses to eat a lot and blow stuff up than celebrate culture and history. god forbid portland art museum offer a free time or even reduced entry. and when was the last time anyone got close to the white house. not so much the story in new york but the country on a whole seems rather uninterested in celebrating anything interesting. many holidays had basis in cultural or historical events but are now just an excuse to party. maybe patrimonie does exist in the US it's just hard to think of it while in a foreign country.

i've been trying to stay up on news at home but am finding it more and more difficult and almost guiltily glad that i'm not in the states right now. with the continued bêtises of our current (mis)leader and the start of mudslinging with the upcoming election, continued economic crises, acts of violence and overall distaste for the rest of the world i'm becoming less and less fond of my homeland. with the release of pew global attitudes report last week, some of my worst fears are being confirmed. the report showed the US near the bottom of the list of nearly 50 countries in areas such as support for trade and foreign companies. xenophobia is spreading as the country is less and less open to doing business with other countries or having foreigners bring their businesses to the states. yet americans expect to be treated like gods wherever we go in the world. we live in a world of two-way streets and you're going to get what you give. this notion is also present in our widespread opposition to immigration. do we forget that our country was built on immigration? we should be flattered that millions of people are literally dying to get into our country and have their own slice of our wonderful pie. this is kind of how many conservatives love to hate the french lest they forget that without the french we would have never won the revolutionary war and our greatest symbol of 'freedom', the statue of liberty, was a gift from the french in commemoration of the revolution. the report also showed some 60% of americans believing homosexuality is not socially acceptable. forget marriage or civil rights, nearly 2/3 of the country doesn't think it's acceptable in any situation. one thing i've noticed about being in a culture that is stereotypically rather effeminate is that homophobia is practically nonexistent. we did score well in one area though, the belief that at times force is necessary to maintain order in the world. just never to maintain equal access to food, education, jobs, housing and health care or prevent discrimination in our own country. we can only fight for so long against the bad guys living in caves that hate us before we end up destroying ourselves.

it's becoming harder and harder to miss a place i can't really stand especially when i'm in a place i really love.

10.12.2007

l'euro.

newsweek ran a recent article about the rising cost of study abroad due to the rather lackluster power of the dollar right now. i have to say that i'm feeling the crunch as well. when i arrived in france about 6 weeks ago, the exchange rate was around $1.30 for every euro. now it's up to $1.41. i've been making it work and there are definite ways to cut costs. what astounds me is the student newsweek profiled from yale who is studying in paris. according to the article, she is an african studies major and has already spent $4,200 in the first six weeks of her program. that's absolutely absurd. i was in paris a couple of weeks ago and i noticed a slight price difference compared to nancy, but $4,200 is insane. that comes out to around $100 a day. that's a ton of baguettes and wine. and while she was lamenting about the costs, i was wondering why she didn't go somewhere in africa. i mean she is an african studies major and life would probably be a lot cheaper. i suppose i shouldn't judge too harshly since i don't know the exact parameters of her program and lewis + clark's set up is amazing. i live with a host family where i eat all meals except lunch during the week. then we receive a (small) stipend for lunch at the university cafeteria. also, the only book i've had to buy this semester, so far, is a novel of my choice for my literature class. so if i skimped in the right places i could get away with spending very little out of my own pocket. granted i wouldn't do much, nor enjoy the various local cuisines but i still cannot comprehend having already spent over $4,000. i guess i should understand her expensive tastes since she's attending an ivy league school, but that's an insane amount of money.

10.10.2007

strasbourg.

i spent last friday and saturday in and around strasbourg. we took the train there friday morning and arrived around 11 am. we then had lunch at the strasbourg program director's apartment. then we met up with the strasbourg students {only 1 from lewis + clark, the rest are from kalamazoo}. we boarded a bus to spend the afternoon on an excursion to struthof, le château de haut koenigsbourg, and kaysersberg. struthof was the only concentration camp on french soil during the second world war. there are times when living in france when i can feel the presence of the war. before this trip it was most notably on cold, cloudy days sitting in stark, utilitarion class rooms without heat on the university campus and watching long, green tarp drapped cargo trains pass below my window sill. it is also noticiable with certain modern conviences that are generally used in conservation. things many americans take for granted such as water, hot water, telephones and electricity. during the war {and especially during hitler's last stand} france's infrastructure was destroyed. the devastated country had to work extremely hard to get everything up and running again. the national telecommunication network wasn't even entirely established until the 80s. so now, even almost 70 years after the war, many people still feel the need to conserve these precious resources that generations prior worked so hard to restore. {this may be where many 'the french never shower' jokes may stem from, which by the way, i don't find so much funny as extremely culturally insensitive} anyways, as still present as the war is, i never felt it so much as at struthof. riding up the narrow, curving road up to the camp that was well hidden in the mountaineous area of the vosges region, i couldn't even imagine what it must have felt like to be driven up this road after being captured for a simple offense of your religion or trying to stop the horrorendous events that were occuring, to work tirelessly in a prison camp, not knowing whether or not you'll make it out alive. i also got so angry at the nazis for hiding such a horrendous place in such a beautiful area. it was definitely a bittersweet trip. at the camp we learned more specifics of the treatment of prisoners. i won't go in to too much detail because it is pretty gruesome. two things that did strike me as especially horrid, were the use of prisoners for medical experiments. there were professors from the medical school in strasbourg at the camp who would inject prisoners with inoncuous diseases just to see what effects it would have. the other is that for the first few months the ashes of the deceased were used as fertilizer on the captains garden. then when there were too many, the remains were just dumped into a pit at the bottom of the camp {it sits on a hill}. the area now is mostly just the land. many of the huts were torn down in the 1950s because they were built so poorly and the rooves were already caving in after only 10 years. a few replica buildings remain.

{view looking up at the camp from the bottom of the hill. memorial for unidentified prisoner in the background}


after that sobering experience, we went to château de haut koenigsbourg. this château sits on top of a mountain and has incredible views. it was especially strong defense wise, because the mountain is really only climbable on the north side. we had a guided tour and learned about its history. if i remember correctly, it was built originally in the 9th century but smaller than it is now. then it was destroyed and rebuilt in the 14th century. then destroyed again by fire which heated up the bricks to the point where they exploded. then around 1900, when the area was under german control, the german empire decided it should be restored in order to show germany's strength. so it was restored to 90% of the authenticity of the 14th century version. the non-authentic 10% consists of many german embellishments which would never have existed. like a giant eagle mural painted on the ceiling of a room that used to be 4 rooms but is now one large room where the emperor entertained guests the 2 times he actually went to the château. so it was interesting and very beautiful.

{view from cannon tower at château de haut koenigsbourg}


after the château de haut koenigsbourg, we went to kaysersberg, which is this adorable little village in alsace. alsace is famous for its wine. the drive into the village was gorgeous with all the vinyards and grape leaves which are starting to turn a golden yellow this time of year. the grapevines run right up to the back walls of the houses that circle the village. the town itself is the reality version, if one ever existed, of the village from disney's beauty and the beast. tiny little streets bordered by stout buildings of different colors with fountains and flower boxes everywhere. we even found a grape vine growing up a wall by the central catherdral and helped ourselves to the sweet little morsels. we had a lovely dinner of quiche lorraine, chicken, green beans, potatoes, and chocolate mousse. it was a lovely evening.

{keysersberg}


the next day we went to the contemporary art museum in strasbourg. it was such a relief to see things from the 20th and 21st century after having stuffy 19th century and older artifacts shoved down my throat for the past month and a half. i feel like france is so caught up in history, which is great because there is such a rich, long history here. but let's get real, impressionism happened over a hundred years ago. let's move on. we're in the 21st century.

{'pile 1' by claude rutault}


after several hours wandering through the stark white walls filled with conceptual pieces, a few of us had a picnic lunch on the sunny river bank. it was lovely. then i wandered a bit of the town, enjoyed a coffee at an outdoor while i read poetry by rimbaud, then hopped the train back to nancy. it was a quick trip, but well worth it.

{l'ile river in strasbourg}

{the gorgeous strasbourg cathedral}


{typical french saturday morning: walking the dog to go buy fresh flowers at a local farmer's market. ah the life.}

10.03.2007

existentialist.

i live with an existentialist seven year old named vivien. this morning as i ate my croissant, he very dramatically with many hand gestures told me 'cette vie est horrible! on est obligé de mourir! je ne peut pas trouver harry potter 3! je le voudrais regarder mais je ne sais pas ou se le trouve! je le cherchait partout! c’est horrible! et mes parents ont discuté souvent!' rough translation: 'this life is horrible! one is obliged to die! i can't find the dvd of the third harry potter! i want to watch it but i don't know where it is! i've looked everywhere! {he's been bugging me for weeks to watch it and then when we finally could last saturday, we couldn't find it} it's horrible! and my parents are always arguing!' what's one to do when you have to die some day, you can't find harry potter and your parents fight?
in other news, continuing on my journey of gastronomy {because is there really any better way to discover a culture other than through its food?}, i've been dying for something spicy. the food in france is wonderful and fresh but spicy doesn't really exist. last week i bought some salsa {sauce mexicaine} and i was surprised by the strong flavor of cumin which made it more like an indian sauce or curry than the spicy salsa i was hoping for. luckily, yesterday i found this tiny wok place. i had noodles with beef, veggies, and a sweet soy-based sauce. and to my delight, they had sriracha sauce. after i ordered, the guy behind the counter told me i had une belle accente {a beautiful accent, he must have been lying through his teeth because i don't have a very good accent} and then asked where i was from. when i said the U.S. he responded in english, 'cool in the states!' then i learned he has an uncle who lives near new york city. it's funny because people can usually tell i'm foreign and then when they find out i'm from the states, they get really excited. the typical response is 'oh i love americans.' so i ask if they've ever been to the U.S. or met any other americans, and the response is invariable no but they still love americans. granted this has happened mostly with guys my age or older, french women are much more standoffish. more on that later. so after warming myself from the inside out with my sriracha soaked noodles, i bought some madeleines {soft, sponge-like cookies, usually almond flavored, made famous by proust} and ate them on a bench in place stanislas which is, at least for the month of october, decorated with plants and topiaries to form a labyrinth. it was a beautiful and pleasant afternoon.

9.25.2007

la gastronomie.

today as i ate the best bread i've ever had, i started thinking about the gastronomical odyssey that is france. i bought this baguette from a boulangerie that appears just like the others. the baguette was still hot, fresh from the oven just in time for the lunch time crowd. it was the perfect balance of crunchy outside and chewy softness inside. i ate almost a third of it on my short walk home. and this is normal in france. last night for dinner, my host mom made some sort of fish that was lightly breaded with fresh herbs. i thought it was delicious, however my host sisters who are 12 and 9 (only 2 of the 6 kids) weren't big fans. so after arguing for several minutes about eating their fish, the parents just gave up and ordered the girls to eat dessert instead. this is so contrary to my american way of thinking, i was mildly shocked. so the girls dutifully ate cups of premade, but wonderfully rich mousse that is as common here as snackpacks are in the US. it's also incredible to think that the baby's first solid food was a buttery baguette like i described above and cheese that is far better than any cheese available in the states. then there's cyriaque, who at the ripe old age of 3 can't go to bed until he finishes his meal with a few large pieces of fresh cheese. i shudder to think a 3 year old knows more about cheese than i do. and how i can forget to mention vivianne who is 7. he loves food probably more than anyone i know. he eats his mother's creamed spinach by the gallon. his dessert of preference is 3 petite suisse (a really thick and creamy but unsweetened yogurt) which he painstakingly plops out of the little containers into a bowl then adds plenty of super fine sugar and precisely mixes it to achieve the perfect sweetness and consistency. i once asked him what his favorite food was. he remarked that that was a beautiful question but before he could respond he was whisked off to bed. breakfast is another culinary adventure consisting of fresh croissants (my favorite are the croissants almondaises which have almond paste in the middle and then an almond glaze and sliced almonds on top) madelines, and cakes and tarts left over from sunday's lunch. french families, typically eat a large meal for lunch on sundays which starts around 1 or 2 pm and stretches on until 5 or 6pm. my new favorite food is ratatouille. no, it's not a popular animated film about sewer rats in paris. it's actually a delicious dish of sauteed bell peppers, tomatoes, eggplant, and zucchini all stewed together. i could eat it by the bowl full. my family also eats a lot of fresh grapes. my host dad warned me the first time to beware of the seeds because they don't have seeds in america. i told him that there are grapes with seeds in the states and proceeded to pick out the seeds as i ate a handful of grapes. when he noticed what i was doing, he made some remark about it being because i am american and he said he just eats them. in my determination to blend in, i then started eating the seeds. unfortunately, they got stuck in my throat and gave me a bit of a stomach ache. i don't think i'll ever be able to fore go the stupid american tag. the kids even refer to me as their american. i guess i can deal with that for now.
{first course of my lunch at the musée d’orsay in paris}

9.20.2007

source de calcium.

one thing i love about france: you can get all your calcium from milk chocolate. at least that's what the wrapper says.
p.s. i've also attached a few more pictures from paris.




9.19.2007

unesemaine.

so despite my best intentions to post everyday with a new picture, that has been nearly impossible. last week i had class everyday. they weren't real classes though, just a program the university does for foreign students to prepare them for the real university classes. so i learned about the resources at the school, some history about the town, how to take notes, some idiomatic expressions, and some other random things. i also had quite a bit of work for our separate program with lewis and clark. oh yeah, i also went to paris for 4 days. paris was a lot of fun. our hotel was in the latin quarter which is where sorbonne university is as well as many student friendly streets filled with bars, cafes, and book stores. it is also just across the river from notre dame. it's right in the heart of the rive gauche (left bank side of paris) made famous by authors and artists alike. i spent the first afternoon wandering the banks of the seine when i happened upon a festival of food from the southwest part of the country---basically lots of apples, cheese, fois gras, and wine. it was lovely. we got really lucky with the weather because it was beautiful all weekend. after lunch i wandered over to notre dame. then we had a group dinner at an indian restaurant and saw eugène ionesco’s la leçon in a really tiny theater where it has been preformed every night for 50 years. then sunday was spent in the musée d'orsay where i had to do a presentation on one of degas's dancers, in french of course. then we had this amazing four course lunch in the museum's restaurant. afterwards i went to the louvre which is so big that after about an hour i was so overwhelmed by human existence and creation that i headed for the exit. afterwards, i wandered through the tiny streets of the latin quarter. that night i bought a sandwich from these guys in a greek restaurant and they asked where i was from and then i asked where they were from and told them my dad was from armenia like them becasue armenian and german sound incredibly similar in french. luckily i redeemed myself by saying my super sexy boyfriend is armenian. then after discovering every bar was full of people watching france destroy nambia in the rugby world cup {that's an extremely un PC statement considering france's history of colonialism in africa but they beat them 87 to 10} we then wandered the streets to find a metro line to get to the eiffel tower. it's gorgeous at night although, due to the rugby world cup being hosted by france, the bottom half was glowing green. but it was still nice, and an old homeless man told me i had a nice ass after i refused the flower i tried to give him. the next day we toured the palais garnier--the newer (1874) opera house. it's gorgeous and extravagant in the style of napoleon III. then i wandered up to monmatre, which is a hill that consists of the red light district, many fabric shops, and an enormous church on top called sacre coeur. if you've seen amelie or moulin rouge, you know monmatre, kind of. then that night we had a group dinner at this tiny southwestern style french restaurant. it was very rustic and run by this very jolly older gentleman who, when i knocked over my glass of wine, just clapped and cheerily said bravo and that it's usually our professor who does that, which ron quickly denied. then yesterday morning i walked around the campus of école des beaux arts and went to shakespeare and co. which is this bookstore that many authors and artists have frequented/lived in/wrote their names on the walls. then i had a coffee in a cafe with max. the cafe had the front door open like many do, and during our visit several pigeons decided to come on in. a scared pigeon in a tight space is a bad thing and i was startled several times by one flapping frantically right above my head. but luckily i survived. paris is a wonderful city with lots of character but i feel like it's lost some of it's charm. it is so touristy now, at least more than when i was there 6 years ago. it's very frustrating when i go into a store and the clerk here's my american accent when i try to speak in french so they immediately switch to english. i also have never hated americans more than while i was in paris. they are so impolite and make very little effort to amalgamate into the culture. they can maybe say bonjour and merci but that's about it. and then when i am trying to speak french and get a feel for the real paris, i am immediately discounted by the parisians because they assume i am an arrogant american like every other person they deal with. it makes me really glad to be studying in a place like nancy where there a very few americans and i am forced to speak french and adapt into the culture. thank god there is no starbucks here {i saw at least a dozen in paris, as well as several subways. what has the world come to?} yesterday evening we took the train back to nancy and now i am avoided the 8 pages of french papers i'm supposed to be writing.
here's some pictures from paris...more to come at some point.




9.10.2007

les drapeaux en fleurs.

i spent sunday afternoon wandering through town. it happened to be a few rare hours when the sun was out. i walked from my house on the west side of town to the east side to place stanislas, parc pepinière, and la vielle ville. place stanislas is a large square with several fountains and statues, very fancy. la vielle ville {old town} is the oldest part of the city with small, winding cobblestone streets, a basilica, tall stone walls, and some tunnels. there was un marchée au puces {flea market} on one street, and of course because it was sunday and sunny, lots of people were out walking. the town feels rather empty during the day during the week. only on saturday and sunday afternoons do places get busy. once kids hit the equivalent of middle school, they attend school on saturday mornings. so the only real day off is sunday. i also walked through parc pepinière. this is a huge park north east of place stanislas, and of course, it's beautiful and immaculately tended. as i was walking, i noticed these small groupings of different colors of flowers. at first, i couldn't tell what they were but as i got closer i realized they were representing about a dozen european countries' flags. i guess they ran out of normal flower beds.
today i started classes at the university, but they aren't real classes, kind of. the normal university classes don't start until october, but for a couple of weeks before, the department FLE {français pour les langues étrangères---french for foreign languages} holds intensive french review courses for students arriving in nancy from other countries to study at the university. they are interesting because there are students from all over the world, south korea, japan, belgium, germany, poland, italy, and us dumb americans. i feel like an idiot as i bumble along in french while these german girls speak perfect french and it's their fourth language or something. but it was comforting for our professor to say that it's good to make mistakes because if you're perfect you have no reason to be in class. so i make mistakes and get corrected, especially by my host brothers and sisters. after 4 hours of these reveiw classes, we had our literature class which is just the LC students. this professor was very nice and she was kind enough to show us around the university campus and take us to a little cafe for a cup of coffee. the day was not that difficult, it is just long and extremely tiring to strain to listen, comprehend, respond, be corrected, and think in a foreign language. but that's why i'm here and i've already noticed that i can understand better than when i arrived.

alors, les drapeaux:




p.s. my apologies if this post makes little sense. all the jetlag i ignored last week is catching up with me.

9.09.2007

les navajos français.

a couple of us were walking around downtown nancy yesterday afternoon. we had bought some cheese and a baguette and were going to have un petit pic nique in a little park on one of the main shopping streets. when we arrived at the park there were three or four native americans in full head dresses singing, dancing, and playing drums. some people had gathered to watch but most just went about their business. we couldn't really figure it out. we don't know if they had moved here from the US or if they were traveling and performing or what, but they were definitely not french. c'était très bizarre.

9.07.2007

seulement à france.

i had a pretty mellow day today. i woke up at 5:30 for no comprehensible reason. so i got up and talked with some people online because it was only around 9pm on the west coast. i had breakfast with my host family. breakfast in france is a strange phenomenon. a very typical french breakfast is, of course, a croissant dipped in strong, black coffee. but this morning my host dad pulled out prepackaged brownie type snacks, madelines {soft, spongey, shortbread type cookies), and some miniature croissants. the kids each had a brownie or cookie and some warm milk. then off to school. they probably think i'm very strange because i had a yogurt and a banana. they also eat dessert, without fail, every night. les repas or meals in my family aren't the typical fancy french meals served very orderly, mostly because there are 6 youngsters running around. last night we had pork with a creamy mushroom sauce, green beans, egg noodles with tomato sauce, and left over paella {a spanish dish of rice, vegetables, and seafood}. i guess, because of the kids and the family's busy schedule the parents don't drink any alcohol with dinner. after the food they pull out the cheese. they regularly have 6 or 7 types on hand. then dessert of prepackaged pudding, mousse, or yogurt with lots of added sugar on top. they also offer fruit with dessert. i think i shocked my host dad the first night because he offered me some fruit from the fruit bowl and i took an apple and just started eating it off the core. he on the other hand, carefully washed his, then shinned it up with a papertowel, then sat and precisely peeled and sliced the whole thing. i think my way is easier, but you know.

this morning we had an early meeting with our director at les sciences po. this is short for the equivalent of political science. this is the political science school. unlike in the u.s. where we typicallys have separate areas like humanities, sciences, social scienes, arts, all in one university, in france there are separate specific schools for each. i will be attended l'université des lettres which is languages and litteratures. our director is a professor at les sciences po. i think he teaches in english and the school is very prestigious and only accepts the top 2%-3% of students in the entire country. it's not selective at all.

after the meeting we went to the bank to set up accounts. one unique thing about france is that everything requires excessive amounts of paperwork. it's a bit of a joke here. one of the girls on the trip has a visa that expires in early december, but we leave at the end of december. in order for her to be legal, she has to start a long process of filling out many forms and providing every document possible. luckily for her, the process is slow enough that she will only have to start the paperwork, because by the time the process would be complete, she will be long gone.

after the bank we walked over to the mall. it was very similar to american malls, not super exciting. i had to use the restroom, but it cost me 0.30 euros, about $0.55. this is very common all over europe, having to pay to use the restroom. public bathrooms are rare and it is even rude to ask to use someone's bathroom when you are a guest for dinner or something. i think the logic is that the homeowner may not have tidied it up and would feel very insecure about a guest seeing their home in disorder.

another thing i noticed today, walking to my meeting, was the amount of dog excrement on the sidewalk. this got me thinking about various cultural issues. for instance, it is rare to look someone in the eyes when passing on the sidewalk, especially for women. for a woman to make eye contact with a man, is considered a come on. because of this most people walk looking down at the ground. my conclusion is that people have to look down to avoid stepping in the plentiful amounts of dog poo, so if you make eye contact with someone, that means you have temporarily taken the risk of stepping in fifi's poo, so that person must be worthwhile and possibly worth pursuing. oh the thoughts that run through my head.

anyways... one of the more difficult cultural difference to adjust to, altough it is much nicer, is that nowhere has coffee to go. so in the morning if i am running late to class or a meeting, it's not possible to grab some caffeine to go {or take away, as they say here}. so instead, people spend leisurely afternoons, lingering over a cup of very strong, very good coffee out of a proper cup in a café. so i did the same, reading our assigned 'la leçon' by eugène ionesco, which we will see preformed in paris next week, in a sidewalk café, while i sipped my café crème.

9.06.2007

l'arrivé à france.

bonjour de nancy! after a stressful and exhausting, but thankfully rather uneventful, 24 hours of traveling, i have arrived at my host family's home and the town of nancy. my host dad is very nice and explained everything to me. they have this complicated entry with a gate that is all operated electronically with these little plastic keys you touch to a pad to open it. i have my own room which is basically a studio apartment with a seperate entrance. the kids are great. lauther, 1, has huge blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and lots of blond curls, all he does is laugh. cyriaque, 2, is similar only more mobile. he loves to do laps around the kitchen table. vivianne, 7, was grilling me about harry potter. luckily, i knew enough to pass his test. i hope now he thinks i'm cool enough to hang out with. nathan, 9, is autistic. he doesn't talk much but is a sweetheart. sybil, 10, is very mature for her age. and melodie, 12, is the calmest of the bunch and the easiest to understand. she even tried out some of her english on me. the mom is more timid and reserved (very french) but still helpful. their dog is named touley and is some sort of bull dog, i think. they have a cat that i think is persian, with the grey and white fuzzy long fur, and is named tipsy. there are fish but i haven't been introduced to them yet. i arrived in nancy 6 pm wednesday night and got settled in then had dinner later. the french typically eat dinner at 8 or 9 pm, something i'll have to get used to. all the kids take baths and put on pajamas before dinner, then during dinner the mom puts them to bed by age rank, starting with the youngest. they're all pretty well behaved and fairly regimented but still silly at times. near the end of dinner when just the two eldest girls remained, they decided to try out some riddles on me. this was slightly evil of them because they were chattering away in french so it was already hard to follow and then i was expected to answer the riddles which i'm horrible at in english.
after my host parents helped make my bed and such, my host mom asked me if i needed a 'serviette.' i didn't understand her at first and then thought she was asking about a napkin which is the same word. i figured she must have been asking about a washcloth so in my jetlagged state i said no. then later i realized she had actually asked if i needed a towel for the shower, which i did, so after dinner i had to explain to my host dad that i hadn't understood and did in fact need a towel.
classes at the university start the first week of october. until then we are having some orientation meetings, we had lunch at our director ron's house today and then filled out forms to register for classes. (ron and his wife bethany who works with the students in strassborg are very nice and energetic and from new york). we're also doing things like setting up a bank account and getting aquainted with the town. we go to paris next weekend. and we are taking some remedial type classes.
some things seem very expensive, like a postcard for 90 euros (about $1.50) and others seem really cheap like a brand new large paper back book for 3 euros (less than $6). i'm frustrated by some of the other students because 4 of the girls have taken french 321 (a whole year ahead of me and max, the only boy on the trip, though we're all juniors) yet they speak english constantly. whereas, max and i who have only been through 202 are trying our best to speak in french all the time. the town itself is rather quaint but still has a decent sized center with shops, restaurants, and more importantly, bars. i've already had the customary afternoon coffee and cigarette on the rattan chairs of a sidewalk cafe.
p.s. i'm assuming blogger recognizes my new IP address as located in france, and has accordingly become entirely in french, including the spell check. because of this, and my obtuse use of french over the next few months, my spelling will probably become rather poor.
p.p.s. i will most likely be deleting my facebook in the next several days, because 1) i despise it and 2)they are opening the site up so that search engines like google will be able to find names and profiles and the last thing i need is a future employer/professor/young child i have looked after to google my name and find hundreds of drunken and not so drunken photos of me. so, au revoir facebook.
p.p.p.s. my apologies for the long post, there's just been a lot going on in the past 48 hours. future posts will probably be shorter. or maybe not.
p.p.p.p.s. the view from my bedroom window:

9.03.2007

bonfuckingvoyage.

starting tomorrow morning i am embarking on 24 hours of travel time before i arrive at my host family's home in nancy:france. i am running the full gamut of emotions from excitement for a new adventure, to nervousness about traveling and communicating, to sadness for leaving things i love behind for the next four months. and even though i started packing roughly 6 weeks ago, i don't think i'll be completely packed until 30 seconds before i walk out the door. all part of the adventure i suppose, but to me it generally equates to a nervous breakdown. anyways, for those of you who would like to keep in touch, my cell won't work out of the country so email is the best way to get a hold of me. depending on my actual situation over there, i will probably be updating regularly here. no guarantees on facebook, mostly because i despise it. i may post pictures on flickr, if i get my act together. let me know if you want a postcard or any particular souvenir and i'll see what i can do. so to everyone in the states, au revoir, and cheers or more appropriately, salut, seeing that in about 36 hours i will probably be having my first legal drink.
see you guys in january.

8.24.2007

flickr.

i just created a flickr, mostly to share pictures with my soon to be host family in france, but i also uploaded nearly all of my paintings and some random photo work. the link is also in my cliquez ici section to your left.

8.19.2007

cliquez-ici.

i just stumbled upon an awesome site called delocator. just type in your zipcode and you can find many locally owned, non-corporate coffeeshops, bookstores, and theaters. if only i had known about this when i was living in the starbucks/mcdonalds capital of the world {aka:nyc}.

8.12.2007

una nueva obsesión.

my latest obsession is the singer sia from australia. she has a gorgeous voice, poetic lyrics, and very artsy videos. the one for 'breathe me' is an elaborate and elegant orchestration of polaroid pictures. check her out.

7.27.2007

moderob.

with the double edged sword of being lazy and bored i got sucked into taking a personality quiz. here are the results from personal dna:

{you can roll over the different colors to see what they represent}

7.26.2007

wathum.

yesterday i decided to go for a hike. since i'm not all that familiar with the wilderness areas around portland, especially in the summer, i researched some places online. my basic criteria were small, no fees, and primitive resources (i.e. no bathrooms or running water). i figured with these caveats i could find somewhere that is pristine, quiet, and empty. so i stumbled upon wathum lake campground which according to the public lands website consists of 6 fee-free hike in campsites along the lake shore with several trails leading off into the wilderness. so i headed out. after a narrowly missed head on collision driving up the one lane windy road to the parking lot, i guess we had both assumed and hoped that we would be the only ones up there seeing that it was the middle of the week, reminding myself of north westerners penchant for outdoor activities and the fact that it was the first truly sunny day in a while, i wasn't surprised to find the small parking lot almost full. i was also aggravated to find that a (perhaps newly) imposed fee was required: $5 for the day or $10 for overnight. i probably could have gotten away without paying it, but seeing that my car insurance just jumped $100 a month after a small accident and a very large speeding ticket in the past 6 months, the last thing i need is another ticket for something stupid like that. so i paid my fee, filled out my wilderness permit, tried to make sense of the crude map at the trail head, and was on my way. the small lake was gorgeous. i started winding my way along its shore then up the mountainside. the trail was fairly skinny and obviously not well traveled. it was lined with wild blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries which made nice snacks along the way. at one point i heard a deep, guttural growl from the side of the trail. due to the thick forest and my instinctual notion to get the hell out of there, i did not stand around long enough to see what it was. for all i know it could have been a large bug or a tree branch creaking, but my mind went straight to the thought of a very large, angry animal. so i briskly kept walking, claping loudly, whistling, and stopping every 10 or so steps to do a 360 degree scan of the area around me. from all my outdoor experience back home where many coyotes and bears roam freely i've learned to make yourself loud so the animal does not feel like it's being hunted, make yourself appear large and powerful to threaten the animal, and if attacked to play dead. all these things were rushing through my head, along with my racing heart beat, and the guilt in not researching the area more and failing to tell anyone exactly where i was going. luckily, i never saw anything and am alive and well to tell the tale. while i attribute it to my sense of adventure and strong desire to see the view from the top, some may think i'm just plain stupid, but i continued on. i ran into a group of elderly women hiking along and they told me to be careful, which didn't really sit well considering my recent incident. i just smiled and continued on. i eventually came to a fork in the trail and realized i had been on the pacific crest trail without even realizing it. luckily the other trail doubled back to the one i had intended to take. i ended up in a clearing near the top of the ridge but there were still many trees blocking the view. i was just about to give up and go back the way i came when i found another tiny trail leading farther up the ridge. i was richly rewarded with a great view of mt. hood, the lake below, the columbia river and gorge in the distance, and four other snow capped peaks i don't even know the names of. i successfully, and safely, made it back to the parking lot after taking a dip in the lake with the salamanders and crawdads and having a late lunch on a sunny rock. i ran back into the elderly ladies in the parking lot, one of whom had changed out of her hiking boots into high heels. i can only hope to be that spry when i'm her age. altogether, it was definitely worth the $5 and more.

7.21.2007

mélange et cambiar.

i need...i don't know what i need. a change maybe. or a really outrageous night of imbibing, dancing and lots of laughs. or a tattoo. or a road trip. or busting my ass building a huge canvas and slopping paint all over it. or picking flowers at midnight. or taking thousands of pictures of strange little things that no one remembers or notices. or a really long bike ride and picnic on a blindingly sunny afternoon. or climbing a mountain starting at the crack of dawn and not seeing a soul the entire way and then being too sore to walk for 3 days. or cooking a really great, fresh, gourmet meal and eating it outside as the sun goes down. or being surrounded by people who care little enough about what others think that they can love wildly and unconditionally. or find an amazing yet affordable apartment. or stop playing games and drop out of school and pursue my real dreams. since about a month into my first semester of college i've wondered why i am in school. what i really want to do doesn't require a degree from a stuffy university. it just requires guts and making a move (or several moves). i've had a really hard time feeling guilty for my privilege of attending a fairly prestigious (not to mention expensive) school just because i was born into an upper middle class, white family. so far, the best reasoning i've repeated to myself is that if i were to drop out of school, my admittance and scholarships would not be transferred to someone less fortunate (unfortunately our world doesn't work that way) so i might as well exploit my privilege for all it's worth then use my socially legitimizing piece of paper (degree) to make the changes i want to see in the world. but if i keep playing into the very social constructs i wish to destroy, what good am i actually doing? maybe society is just not to the point where i can fully go against the grain so i should accept some things the way they are and make the changes i can by manipulating the existing system without sacrificing my well being and 'success'. but if this is the continual attitude, how will things ever change? why should i manipulate the existing system when the possibility exists to create an entirely new system? this goes along with the 'i'll do it tomorrow' or 'someone else will do it' mentality than prevents progress. i am just so frustrated with the way the world works that i don't know what to do with myself or the world for that matter. since i've already invested (wasted) 2 years of my life and tens of thousands of dollars, i might as well see it through. then again, bill gates never graduated from college.

7.14.2007

wake me in 2008.

recent news just came out that 2 dispatchers ignored repeated calls reporting a forest fire in my home town of lake tahoe. apparently they told the first dozen people calling in that the smoke they saw was from a controlled burn and not to worry. this misinformation caused a ten minute delay in responding to the fire which ultimately destroyed over 250 homes and structures, cost millions to fight, and burned 1,300 acres of precious tahoe wilderness. who knows if an earlier response would have prevented the actual results but in such a treasured place that many people call home (or second home seeing that some 80% of homes in tahoe are rentals or vacation homes) one would think that any hint at a fire would be taken seriously, especially in such dry year (last winter's snow pack was only 26% of normal).

in other news , bush forbade former white house counsel, harriet miers from appearing to testify in front of congress for which she was subpoenaed. congress is now preparing to file for contempt of congress. this just a week after bush commuted scooter libby's sentence without ruling out the possibility for a full pardon. bush (or cheney, rather) is saying it's ok to break the law. i'll let you get away with it, i'll even force you to break the law. except for those dern terrrrrorists. they need to be stopped and we, as strong, patriotic americans, must do everything possible to stop them. by the way, iraq's prime minister said today that he has 'full confidence' that his country can reach a peaceful state without the u.s. we're just as evil as the terrorists. they don't like our ideas so they attack us. aren't we doing the same thing? with bush's disapproval rating up in the 70s, i'd say we should impeach him, but i don't think we'd be any better off with cheney in the full seat of power. i can only hope for a positive change in 2008. unfortunately, i'm not yet sure who is the proper person to do it.

7.09.2007

paris: the city of rude?

in recent attempts to make the french capital more friendly to the millions of visitors the economy depends on, the mayor has instituted a paris tourist day. the project placed welcome wagons at five of the most popular attractions. city officials passed out parisian water, orange juice, and pamphlets. they are encouraging citizens to be more open, polite, welcoming, and english proficient with the guests. they encouraged visitors to openly embrace the french lifestyle instead of 'heading to the first starbucks.' there are so many things i see wrong with this i'm not even sure where to begin. i guess asking why the fuck there are starbucks in paris is a good place to start. the corporate hounds don't do enough damage in this country so they feel the need to spread their wings to suffocate the rest of the world. starbucks may have decent coffee, but i can guarantee that a coffee at any small cafe would be ten times better, and served in a real cup instead of a paper one. wow, save the earth and have better coffee, what a concept. i have traveled throughout france and several other european countries and have found that the people are very polite, hospitable, and helpful. sure they may get frustrated dealing with stuck up, incompetent fools, but so does everyone else. also, why on earth should french people be expected to learn english? it is not their native language and there is nothing mentioned in the new campaign for foreigners to learn french before they arrive. i guess i forgot about {or was hoping it has disappeared} the great american elitist attitude that anyone who immigrates to this country better damn well learn english and likewise, anywhere we travel the countrymen best learn english in order to meet my every beck and call. how about tourists learn some of the language, culture, customs and politics before visiting so that they can get a taste of the foreign land instead of traveling thousands of miles just to have their usual triple grande no whip latte. besides, isn't exploring and embracing the unknown what travel is all about?

7.02.2007

pocket bible.

the other day a certain someone found it endearing that i happened to have my bible in my purse. this was a rare, if not the only time in recent memory that i felt truly respected and appreciated for my faith. i wasn't being thought of as stupid and a blind minion to what is in some minds, the most intellectually stifling scam of all time. i wasn't being forced to hold my tongue because i don't agree with every little detail or particular political leaning being preached. i wasn't killing the conversation by merely hinting at my spirituality. i wasn't being associated with the numerous wrong doings throughout history done in the name of God or religion. in actuality, discovering christianity has been one of the most complex, challenging processes i have ever pursued in my entire life. while some believers follow blindly and a few authority figures can easily lead their flock astray, i think to truly believe in Christ and applying his teachings to living is a personal decision that others cannot force upon you. it takes a strong will and deeply rooted belief to bear the many blows of criticism that are hurled at christianity. it is even more difficult when many prominent christians have failed to fully understand Christ's teachings of gentle love, understanding, and acceptance and therefore taint the rest of the world's perception. i can only hope that enough wise people are brave enough to speak up and reverse the fear and misgivings that are all too commonly associated with christianity.

6.18.2007

c’est la vie.

i spend a lot of time {probably too much} thinking about life and its purpose. i’ve often come to the conclusion that we exist as a means to better the lives of future generations. but this seems all too hollow and empty and it doesn’t leave much hope or enjoyment for the present. i’ve also thought that maybe we are here to correct the injustices of the past. that we should somehow justify the acts of the past in their context, then correct them in order that whatever atrocity occurred never happens again. this idea loops back to making the world a better place for the future. this is a wonderful idea and i’m all for it but it still leaves the present out of the picture, beyond the thoughts and energy required to make change happen. i guess that can give a sense of accomplishment and hope in the moment, but there must be more. my latest conclusion is that we exist in order to love and be loved, in order to rescue each other from the difficulties that surround us, in order to find beauty in every life, in order to unite our collective spirits and truly come alive, in order to give our lives meaning through others when we can’t find meaning in ourselves. in the present, what better joy is there to know that you are loved and that you can freely give love unconditionally. love brings out our best and our worst, but what really counts is that those who love us, love beyond our faults and failings. why is it that we argue most with the ones closest to us? most likely, because we know they are the ones who will be there when the fires cool and will continue to love us regardless. we have all been loved in some capacity or another, from above, from our families, from our friends, from our significant others, so why not give purpose to the moment and show that love to someone else, even if you know you may not receive anything in return. {and it's not reserved for occasions like valentine's day or christmas}.

6.03.2007

crocs.

are the ugliest things ever. they are in no way fashionable. they are apparently comfortable but i can think of many other shoes that are more comfortable and more attractive. they can be used for gardening and in the privacy of your own home, not mine. i would be very happy to never see anyone wearing them again. {my apologies if you are a crocs fan, but i just don't like them}.

5.31.2007

whore.

in light of my recent futile attempts to find employment in the greater portland area, i have decided to whore myself out (no, not like that you sickos). anyways, if anyone wants to buy some artwork, postcards, greeting cards, collages, photos, etc. or i can cook you something really tasty...cookies, carrot cake, banana bread, dinner....or if you have anything that needs to be sewn or if you have a really cool old t-shirt you don't wear anymore and you would like it turned into a really sweet purse or back patch or something...babysit your illegitimate children. prices are negotiable. just thought i'd throw it out there. oh and if anyone has any connections where i could get an actual job that would be sweet too.
peace.
+
emilie.

5.25.2007

why are norwegians so damn cool?

datarock.

all the way from norway.






















rock it.

5.23.2007

cartoons.

i've recently taken to drawing cartoons.

this one is a recreation of a cartoon i stole from a book full of rejects from the new yorker.



this one is based off my frustrations with my car.



and this one is fairly self-explanatory. avocado stains courtesy of john's awesome sushi making.

collage.

results of a recently fruitful collage night with laura, following homemade sushi at john's, and lavender tea by lynae.
quite lovely i might say.

5.19.2007

expatriotism.

exactly three months after my 20th birthday i will be on a very large plane, very far out of this country. i will be studying in the town of nancy, france for four months. i am about as excited and petrified as any one person can be. i am greatly looking forward to exploring a new place. i can't wait to linger in a café and eavesdrop on conversations while holding a warm bowl of café au lait. i can't wait for large family dinners where the food is good, the wine strong, and the conversation so lively that no one topic stays on the table for more than 5 minutes. i can't wait for the prospect of being immersed in a language to the point where english becomes an arduous task to muster up. i can't wait to be overwhelmed by the french lifestyle which treasures beauty, art, food, politics, and conversation over all else. unfortunately along with these wonderful experiences comes the strong possibility that i will encounter impatient shopkeepers who won't even give me the benefit of the doubt to speak to me in french. i'm sure at one point or another under the stress of traveling i will get on the wrong bus/train/metro and have to painstakingly retrace my steps to regain the proper direction. i will have to overcome the awkwardness of transplanting myself not only into a culture rather unfamiliar to myself, but also into the home of complete strangers. i will be on my own thousands and thousands of miles from home. there is the grand possibility of a broken heart of homesickness. that's an interesting concept in and of itself because i'm not sure where to call home. there is my parents' house in the town in which i grew up in. there are parts of that place i miss, more moments that could never be recreated than any particular place or object. i honestly have no desire to return there. then there is nyc, which i probably have the most attachment to for a place as a whole, which is odd seeing that i lived there not even four months. there is my current place of habitation, more a holding tank in my stages of transition where i am more attached to the people i've met here than anything else. i feel as though i've become some hybridized plant species with old roots i inherited that are planted in one place, then the fresh, new, rapid growth and roots i so desperately want to spread located in a very different place. then it's as if all my fruit has been unwillingly, and all too early, plucked from my branches and unevenly distributed across the country without my consent. and soon, all too soon, i will be off to a new, strange place. what a complex mess i've created as a self-diagnosed vagabond.