today i attended my very last classes as an undergraduate student. i'd like to report that i feel a great sense of accomplishment and relief and a new hope for the future. unfortunately i am moving across town tomorrow, have one more final project and two exams next week and then will have family in town for graduation festivities. so far from over. however, i can't resist the temptation to follow in the media's footsteps and make a big deal about the past 100 days. it just so happens that president obama's first 100 days in office correspond exactly to my final 100 days of class at lewis & clark college. so i'm going to rip off this point of reflection which is really a rip off of fdr and the new deal, but i digress.

as i mentioned above, there are three pressing issues at the moment. first off, my current lease is ending tomorrow, april 30. unfortunately, the successive lease does not start until friday, may 1, resulting in some intermediate couch surfing and cramming as many of my possessions as possible into my car.

next off, final exams next week will require a thorough study of a survey of spanish literature from the middle ages to the twentieth century ranging in forms of narrative, poetry, drama and the novel. gender roles in selected works from 19th century france will also be reviewed through the forms of novel, film and poetry across the genres of romanticism, naturalism and realism. as expected these two examinations will occur in their original languages, spanish and french, respectively.

like many students of the past, time is short and work is long and multi-tasking is a must. within mere hours of the completion of said exams, family will begin trickling into town. life will become a severe balancing act of taking care of my own personal business, coordinating meals and events and acting as liaison between non-communicating relatives. endless hours of fun are sure to abound.

thanks to the many years of multi-tasking and overly packed schedules the next week should be handled with ease, if not several releases of stress into micro brews at the nearest dive bar.

so there is a lot of work to do, but i thank my parents, teachers, professors, mentors and the american education system for preparing me well for the path ahead.

and with that i will start taking questions.

with the swine flu epidemic growing, the possibilities of illnesses spreading in our global society is becoming quite evident. what are your thoughts?

i was fortunate enough to live in the dorms on campus for three semesters during my first two years at lewis & clark and i was very often run down and sick. once i moved off campus to cleaner and less populated environment, i noticed an immediate decrease in illness. lesson learned: less people, less germs, less sickness. also, fresh fruits, veggies and air help. as does semi-regular sleep and exercise. next question.

gm has hinted at the possibility of bankruptcy as they propose a company wide restructure and mass closing of dealerships. do these plans seem sufficient to save the auto industry?

this one is a little tricky seeing that i have skated through college without a single business or economics course. here's how i see things:
having a mobile, cultured and informed society, partly possible through car travel: good
environmental impacts of said car travel: bad
driving at sunset with windows down and music loud: very good
cost of running and maintaining a single car, not to mention an entire industry: not so good
economic impact of the collapse of a domestic auto industry: also, not so good
thanks to the last four years of my life spent in college, i'm not exactly in the economic position to provide any aid to the ailing industry, but i will continue to drive my lovely car that is almost as old as i am, with the gas mileage that would make any saudi prince oil magnate a very happy, very rich man. and next question.

there has been much controversy over mr. president's commencement address at notre dame because of his stance on abortion. thoughts?

first of all, why on earth would anyone complain about having not only the current president of the united states, but the first black president and an extremely intelligent, compelling and eloquent man speak at an undergraduate commencement? i mean seriously? but back to killing babies, i can't say enough as to how good i feel about having a man in power that respects women as much as barack obama. he's made it clear that he is pro-choice, but it is more nuanced than that. he is very aware of the complex moral and ethical issues at hand. he is also cognisant of a woman's capabilities to understand these issues surrounding her choices with her own body, unlike the language in the ruling in gonzales v. carhart back in 2007 that outlawed partial birth abortions. the majority opinion basically stated that women in the hormonal and emotional state of pregnancy are incapable of understanding the scope of the consequences their choices may have. therefore, it is the government's job to play the role of a moral compass and directing all women in the matter. ridiculous. it is probably not necessary to say at this point, but i believe my time in college has confirmed me to be more of a feminist than not. a title i've finally eased into accepting in the past 100 days. next question.

during these last 100 days, what has surprised, enchanted, humbled and troubled you the most?

what has surprised me most is what little i care about my academic work. call it laziness, call it senioritis, call it apathy. it just doesn't seem important. my gpa may be tanking but letting loose some of that work has allowed me to pursue other opportunities that seem more pertinent to life outside of homework and exams and papers. i greatly enjoyed participating in the gender studies symposium this year (see feminist comment above). i had three pieces in the art exhibition and sat on an artist's panel. as the only student on the panel, it was an important step for me as far as building confidence in my abilities to cut it as an artist (another scary label i have yet to accept for myself). i was also an editor for the polyglot, lewis & clark's foreign language journal. this was an epic amount of work laying out the journal, especially doing it twice after losing the final version in a power surge. but it was a great learning process and can hopefully serve as an anchor on my resume for the possibility of editorial work in the future. i also had this minor side project known as my senior thesis in studio art. it's not like i have work in a professional gallery or anything. and i just found out yesterday that my work from that show has garnered me a nomination to a recent graduates show at blackfish gallery in downtown portland. i'm still waiting further details but i believe the show goes up in july.

what has enchanted me. that one is a little tougher. i tend to be driven on stress and caffeine not enchantment. i suppose working with new materials in my artwork. i built my first website for kiss inc. i also got into a lot of metal working. i suppose the most enchanting thing was cutting slits in the top of half inch steel rods with a four inch cutting blade on a grinder. for those of you not familiar, this tool has a diamond blade that spins really, really fast. so fast that even very strong men must brace themselves and use two hands in order to control the thing. there's also the minor detail that whenever working with metal, it tends to heat up a whole lot and then shoot little firework shows of sparks at your face. they are pretty to look at but they tend to burn. one night after welding for a good two hours, i went to pull up my tights only to discover several dozen holes in them from all the sparks. but back to the grinder (or grind). so i was totally suited up with leather chaps, a face mask and respirator cutting away. the first one went fine. oh and there's this issue with this particular blade that it can only cut into things, not away from things so if it gets the slightest pressure on either side, the whole blade can shatter. so i've braced myself, made sure i had a good handle on the grinder and wouldn't end up grinding my wrist along with the steel, sparks are flying, when suddenly there is some strange cracking noise. also, metal working is very loud. so hearing a weird noise that gives you that sinking feeling something is going terribly wrong doesn't happen often, even if something has gone terribly wrong. so after this noise i turn off the grinder and after it stops spinning thirty seconds later, i notice there is a pretty good sized chunk missing from the blade, which means it must have flown somewhere with all the sparks. i lift up my hands to check out the backs of my forearms and there is a burning hot chuck of the grinder blade sticking right out of my left arm. i pulled it right out and it didn't bleed too much. i don't even really have a scar now, but it had to have been one of the most enchanting, nay disturbing moments of the last 100 days.

what has humbled me? that is tough because i have always been a hyper-obsessive, perfectionist, over achiever. humble is not something i do particularly well. but i've had to deal with a rejection from teach for america and a probable rejection from the fulbright program. i was also nominated for awards that i knew i had no chance in hell of winning. so i guess that has been humbling, realizing there are a hell of a lot more intelligent, capable and talented people out there than i am. now, most days, i feel like i should just get out of the way, rather than trying to keep up with the pack.

the most troubling aspect of these final 100 days has been the unknown. my whole life up to this point has been pretty structured and laid out for me. graduating from public high school is a given for nearly 2/3 of american kids (why it's not 100% is also very troubling). the prospect of attending and graduating from college also felt like a given. there were many times when i wasn't so stoked on the whole college thing, but now i'm glad i did it and have learned a lot and had some great experiences. i consider myself extremely lucky in our current times that i actually have a job lined up and many things i have been involved in at lewis & clark are leading to greater opportunities away from the school. i also consider myself lucky that i have a trendy little roof over my head, a car to drive, a bike to ride and good food to eat, not to mention good beer to drink. i guess it's just the fact that the blue print ends here. now it's all up to me to make my own way. one can argue that you have to do that all along in life, but up to this point there has been some sort of structure to guide the way or at least provide the framework. now the only structure is i have basic needs to live and now need to find some way to satisfy those needs. there's also the feeling of standing on the precipice of the infinite abyss. before, if a semester was particularly stressful for whatever reason, i would just tell myself, just three more months and then things will change. now it's just 60 more years and then... i don't know. i suppose this is why people get married and have kids. some other way to occupy and divide time until they meet their maker. i wish i had more wisdom of how to deal with this, but i'm at a loss. everything i've learned in college and i don't know how to occupy myself satisfyingly. i suppose that is what troubles me most.

i think that about sums up my last 100 days.

now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

sunset over downtown a few blocks from my new house...

this week has been a bit of a blur as i've been coping with the letdown and recovery after the show opened on friday {you can hear me blabber about it here}. after much celebrating friday night, i awoke to a glorious sunny saturday. and sunday. and monday. i spent as much of it as i could outside. i even did some homework down by the river sunday afternoon.






















and to play some catch up...
what i wore on monday:






















it was a gorgeous day with full sun and temperatures in the seventies. i took this on my bike ride home through all the blooming trees. spring has definitely sprung.
old white converse chucks
khaki skirt: target
wide white belt: target
basic white tank
blue and white scarf: from my mom's collection
sunglasses: target






















for the entirety of my three hour sculpture class, we just sat outside and talked as we basked in the sun. i even managed to get a bit of a sunburn. portland has finally awoken from its sixth month winter slumber.


and what i wore on tuesday:























yellow mary jane heels: target
cream and black dot dress: marshall's
tan belt: thrifted

and then on wednesday, as if portland didn't want us to get any ideas, it returned to its cool and dreary self.