college has finally gotten to me.

i've been bitten by the academic bug. this morning as i was listening to my professor answer last minute questions before my hispanic literature final, i was thinking about the papers i want to write, and possibly get published this summer. then i snapped out of it, and asked myself what on earth am i thinking? i want to spend my much needed hiatus from driving myself into the ground through my academic pursuits by doing none other than writing papers? and after all those times when my professors would go and on about the freedom and excitement of studying at a liberal arts institution purely for the sake of knowledge gain and i would just roll my eyes and count the credits until i can leave this place. this is unbelievable, i'm actually looking forward to spending lazy summer afternoons in the library pouring over research on obscure topics. the even odder thing is that of the few things i've been thinking about researching all involve latin america which would fall under the smaller part of my second major, which i have been considering dropping. but seriously, i love the library and relish the time i spend there. during the semester i have to limit my time there, lest i be tempted by some intriguing book spine as i pass through the infinite shelves which lead me from one interesting topic to another. i could spend hours, pouring over information i didn't even know i was interested in before a certain book caught my eye. i guess this would classify me as a bona fide nerd, but i don't care. it gets me fired up, and if at 20 i can get an article published in a literary magazine, that would be awesome. maybe i should just take my boyfriend's advice and become a professional student. based on these recent revelations, that may just be the case.

what i live for.

in no particular order:

harlem.

the bronx.

brooklyn.

lift up america.

young love.


the brooklyn promenade.

sunny ski days.

unexplainable.

street art.


premarital concubinage.


faith, grace, and second [or third, fourth, and fifth] chances.

and a random assortment of other things such as springtime, hearing people talk about what they're truly passionate about, fresh flowers, good food, good wine, vitamin water, hard bike rides, cracking the caramel on crème brulée, lattés with hearts in the foam, french poetry, all poetry, arabic characters, the smell of stumptown coffee, walking through grass barefoot, spanish accents, full moon walks, swimming in the ocean, hikes in the sierra, sunglasses, music, sunbathing on tahoe beaches, and silly people with quirky habits.

peace rally.

some shots i took at the peace rally on march 18, 2007. shot with a cannon xlr on kodak tri-max 400.

bike ride anyone?

i recently had my first 'road biking' experience and i have to say it was mildly terrifying. i am from a small town in the mountains and my biking experience consists of puddle jumping after summer thunderstorms in my quiet neighborhood or serious mountain biking on dirt trails. neither of these instances involve such obstacles as cars, other bikers, pavement, or roadkill squirrels. after moving to the very bike friendly city of portland and gas prices soaring well above $3 a gallon i've decided to take my heavy duty mountain bike to the streets. yesterday afternoon after turning in a term paper and the 20+ library books that have been cluttering my desk for the past 2 months i decided i would go for a bike ride since it was such a nice day {portland talk for mostly cloudy and not raining}. i live in a pretty calm neighborhood with a main street a few blocks away. on said main street is a small coffee shop perfect for a break and some reading. so off i go. i managed to take empty back streets to the main road where i only had to ride about 500 yards and then cross the busy intersection, only after being passed up by half a dozen 'serious' bikers. it probably wasn't the best idea to do this at 5 pm on a friday but anyways off i went. then i came to the stop sign and had to make a right onto the busy thoroughfare. as car after car whizzed past me, the small bike lane seemed to become skinnier and skinnier. finally i made a break for it and made it to the sidewalk which is a safe 5 or 6 feet from passing traffic. i'm sure i pissed off more than a few motorists and pedestrians in my haphazard adventure but i honestly had no idea what i was doing. it probably doesn't help that i don't have a helmet or any reflectors on my bike but that's beside the point. then i got to the intersection and sat there like an idiot waiting for the walk signal because i was too afraid to go with the traffic. so after more than a few near heart attacks i arrive at the coffee shop to enjoy my afternoon, at least until the ride home. maybe i'll stick to the dirt for a while.

social justice.

[most of this is derived from a lecture by Prof. Rob Kugler at Lewis & Clark College] social justice, as hard as it is to define, is equally hard to define in its motives. many social justice advocates or participants come from a religious background, typically christian. within that, there tends to be three different work ethics. the first is the far right who believe their salvation is gained by the works they perform. this is a very stereotypical catholic edict. there are those in the middle who believe that out of their faith, and grace found in salvation comes a desire to do good in the world. then there are those on the left who believe salvation is its own entity and works, government, and the like should remain a separate force working for the good of humanity as a whole, without selfish intentions driving the desire to do good deeds. while these distinctions are somewhat stereotyped and broad, they are generally true. many may say, so be it; let people believe what they want to believe, but problems lie in the conflicts and competition these differing beliefs cause. with such fundamental differences in doctrines, these groups are often unwilling to work together. they may also have differing needs in resources, which when pooled together could incite much more change than working separately. for instance, say one group has an overabundance of volunteers but lacks in funding and local connections like in the instance of a natural disaster. it's possible that another group has plenty of money but no volunteers. the third may have connections in the area but is lacking money and man power. if the three groups were to work together in one united front, they could meet the three basic requirements to make a change and really help where and when help is needed.
i myself tend to fall somewhere between the left and middle groups. i believe that i have been given much grace in my own life and it is only right that i try my best to bestow that on the people around me. on the other hand, i also believe that religion and grace is not a necessary aspect in trying to invoke positive social change. i often question where my desire for social justice comes from. i was not raised in any particular religion, it was something i kind of fell into backwards when i was in high school. my home church isn't particularly strong in the social justice realm, outside of monetary support for missionaries and various resources for church members. my mother is somewhat of a social advocate, working for food banks around the holidays, serving at bread + broth, collecting donations for the women's center, and always acting as a sympathetic force to those individuals she comes into contact with. i can't say that this was a particularly strong force in my life growing up, though. i guess my desire mainly stems from my frustrations with my own life and the guilt i face feeling like everything i have was just handed to me, and then seeing the extreme need, disparity, and struggle occurring all over the world from right in my hometown to my time spent working in the inner city in new york to the starving orphans in africa you see on tv. whatever my reasoning is or whatever others' motives are, i can't see why people aren't dedicated to social justice and why we all can't put our motives and personal beliefs aside to try and create a world in which everyone has enough of what they need.

digital faux-toes.

my digital photo portfolio from 2006. all taken in and around portland.


vanity.


la porte.


pdx.


peace rally.


signage.


street raker.


arts + culture.


californication.


face in a mirror.


family portrait.


glamour.

guardasil.

why the outrage over gardasil [the vaccine against the most common strains of human papillomavirus which causes 70% of cervical cancer cases and 90% of genital warts cases]? although this vaccine only guards against certain types of the virus, it is effectively the first vaccine available that can prevent cancer. so why are so many people [particularly mothers of young daughters] so distraught over its use? granted in order for the vaccine to have the greatest effect, it must be administered before the first sexual contact and is therefore recommended for girls ages 9 to 13. i can see how it may be difficult for mothers to explain to their prepubescent daughters that they have to get this shot before they have sex so that they don't get a sexually transmitted disease that may cause cancer. but the vaccine itself is not an invitation to have sex, it is a first-line defense against an all too common yet rarely talked about form of cancer. i'm sure if there were a vaccine against AIDS there would be no backlash even though it is most commonly transmitted through sexual contact. is the concern because this particular vaccine has to be administered before sexual contact? i don't know, but what i do know is that both i and my younger sister have received the vaccine and if i had a daughter i would have her vaccinated as well. after all, protection from a common, cancer causing std is more about self preservation than an initiation to promiscuity.

starving?...hardly.

i hate the saying ‘starving college student.’ this is quite possibly the most ridiculous statement, supposedly intelligent young people can make. food is hardly scarce on campus and many schools require a meal plan to eat in on campus dining facilities. i doubt that many students [especially at pricey liberal arts colleges] truly know what it feels like to be starving. also, as college students [who will presumable graduate in a few years] we are some of the most privileged human beings on the planet. less than 10% of the world’s population will ever graduate from college [ok, so i made that up, but it’s probably close to that if not lower]. i will admit that large tuition bills can leave small funds for such luxuries as food, but come on you’re hardly starving.

$tarbuck$

i lived in midtown manhattan [aka: the capital of corporate America] for 4 months. the gap and forever 21 were my downstairs neighbors, a massive billboard for apple's ipod provided mood lighting for my apartment + macy's flagship location was my corner store. and if you want a cup of coffee, there were 6 starbucks within easy walking distance. this would have been great if every other person in new york didn't shop at the gap and if starbucks wasn't so annoying. i swear there's one of those little green mermaids every block. God forbid you walk your lazy self more than 20 feet for a cup of coffee, and this isn't even seattle [where it all started]. according to their website there are over 300 of them within a 20 mile radius of my apartment. if you step inside, every location is the same. an emo kid tucked away in the back corner complete with an iv [oops i mean ipod], the perky young baristas [a copy written term] in bright green aprons w/ matching visors, the cool and oh so smooth music [they even have their own xm satellite radio station] and let's not forget the screen printed 'art' laden w/ coffee terms as if the overwhelming aroma could make you forget why you were there [no silly, for the coffee]. so after ordering + having to repeat the special instructions [there's a whole 'secret menu' that novices don't have a clue about. they even make you say those silly names for sm. med. or lg.] for my triple shot, extra hot, grande caramel macchiato i fork over $5.04. [why am i doing this again? oh yeah there's no where else! aren't monopolies illegal or does that only apply to bill gates?] now comes the best part: waiting, ears peeled for my drink + praying that no one else takes it. i also am hoping they got my name right [a friendly barista once mistook emilie for henli. how? i don't know]. and in the process i've got to fight every other caffeine-starved sell-out to get to the counter. why is it in new york everyone crowds the counter as if they are the only person in the place? didn't they notice that i ordered my drink eons before they did? finally after throwing some elbows, i grab my extra-hot drink that they conveniently forgot to put a sleeve on [ouch] and now must fight for a place at the sugar/cream kiosk to stir/embellish as i please. eventually, after a 10-15 minute fiasco i adjust my hair and make it out the door, assuming no one has mistakenly bumped my overpriced, super hot coffee down the front of me [i've seen it happen to poor unfortunate souls]. and that is the treasured starbucks experience.

Gonzales v. Carhart

In the shadow of the overwhelming media coverage of the tragedy at Virginia Tech, the Supreme Court passed a 5-4 ruling upholding the law banning partial birth abortions passed by congress in 2003. While I agree that this is a very inhumane procedure, this ruling has the strong possibility to lead to a full reversal of Roe v. Wade, making all abortions illegal once again. I personally would never choose to have an abortion and I think it should be the absolute last option pursued, but I also believe that my own moral groundings should not govern the personal health rights of other women. This new ruling makes partial birth abortion illegal in all cases, regardless of the woman’s health. It used to be legal if the woman’s life was in danger but this is no longer the case. A woman’s only defense now is the judicial system which is lengthy and expensive and utterly useless due to time constraints in health issues. This is not a fair statute and I can only hope that the crusade against abortion stops here and won’t continue to erode the reproductive rights of women, not to mention personal health.

progressive painting.

this is my first oil painting. we were working from a model over six class periods. the prescribed style of painting changed over the course of each class period eventually ending in cubism. i had never really understood cubism in looking at cubist pieces nor had i liked them. i still don't like them but after spending hours meticulously trying to represent a person in a space very realistically and then breaking the space into cubist planes it made a lot of sense. maybe it was the mathematical side of my brain but for some reason it appears to be a very logical way to divide a three-dimensional space on a two-dimensional surface. this made so much sense that i began dreaming in cubism during the period i was working on this piece. it stands at 50"x40" with mixed media collage over oil.
these are the images of the progression over about a month: